


Down By the River

by Yiffandquiff (princesslexi763)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Country AU, High School, M/M, Mild substance abuse, Smut, Underage Sex, mild drug use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-08 15:49:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14108766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesslexi763/pseuds/Yiffandquiff
Summary: Dan Howell was isolated from the world. Living in a small town, the population only 750 and being in a high school where everyone knew your name and your history, Dan hated it. He wanted out. Nothing is going where he wants to in life. That is until he meets Phil Lester by random chance at a grocery store and Phil begins to show him all of the happiness that life can actually bring.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! For a while now, I've been going through the idea of writing a fic based on where i live and now I am! So I come from a very small town and most of the experiences that are mentioned in this work have happened before. They've either happened to me or to a close friend of mind. But I wanted to create something unique and something new. Which is why I'm doing a backwoods/country au. But i promise it'll be way different than a country song lol (I don't even like country music tbh) Happy reading! :)

They always say that where you grew up would paint a picture worth a thousand words for how your life is meant to go. Many people in many different walks of life just shoved into certain classes and households with no way to get out of them until they turn of age. 

For Dan, that was him. 

He thought about this every day as he walked through the small corridors of his school, his eyes scanning down beant and beaten lockers as he rolled his eyes because  _ why can’t his school afford lockers that actually shut.  _

He couldn’t express his hate and distaste for South General High School. The teachers were shit. The principal hated him. He had no friends. And this entire school could  _ rot  _ in hell and he wouldn’t bat an eyelash towards it. He had just one year to go and he would be able to walk away from here and never look back. 

The bell rang. He should be in his classroom by now but he’s not. This class was just a study period for everyone anyway.  _ Activity Period  _ if you wanted to be technical. This was only a time for you to get help with any assignments that you were falling behind on. He wasn’t falling behind on anything. He didn’t see a point in falling behind the very system he wanted to get out of. 

“Mr. Howell!” 

Dan turned his head. Mr. Freed was standing in the doorway of his classroom, his bald head shining against the pale fluorescent lights. He was a teacher for seniors only, but for some unknown reason, he didn’t like Dan. 

“Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?” 

Dan felt panic rise in his throat. The last thing he needed was to be written up for something as stupid as this and sent to the student mediator who would just yell at him for ‘diddling in the hallways’ instead of going to class. 

“I was heading to the bathroom.” Dan stated, rushing away, his feet picking up as fast as he could towards the opening at the end of the hallway where the bathrooms actually were. 

“I’ll be waiting for you  _ right here  _ with a signed pass when you’re done!” 

Dan threw his body onto the bathroom door and ran in, his feet carrying him to a cubicle where he closed the lid of the toilet set and sat down. He couldn’t go back out there now. His other class was in that hallway but he had thirty eight minutes to now kill before he even had to worry. Surely Mr. Freed wouldn’t come into the bathroom looking for him. He’d play sick. Pretend to vomit and maybe he’d be able to drive home. 

He was nearly contemplating that anyway when the door opened and two laughing guys walked in. Dan could see their calves and shoes line up at the urinals in front of him. Dan picked his feet up and set them soundlessly on the edge of the toilet seat. 

“Did you hear about that Dan Howell again?” 

Dan’s ears picked up on the mention of his name and he sat in complete and total silence. 

“What did the little fag do now?” 

“I just heard he fucked another guy last weekend. I heard he’s such an easy lay. Maybe I should try my way with him just to get my frustrations out.” 

There was more laughing and Dan sat there, tears pricking at his eyes as he tried so hard not to make any noise. 

This is what people thought of him. This is why he hated this place. This was why he couldn’t fucking wait to leave. 

* * *

 

In some ways, Dan could reflect about one thing in life he could be grateful for and that one thing would be his grandmother's house. It was a beautiful wooden cabin sat at on the bank of a river. It was far too big to be for just his grandma at her age so he and his mother moved in to help her. 

He didn’t like being around his mother or grandmother. But he loved being here, sitting on the rocks with his feet dangling in the currents of the stream as he relaxed. His phone was playing the new Bring Me the Horizon album and he was staring up at the sun and the blue sky. 

He came out here to escape his mother mostly. Not that she was a bad person, she was trying her best, but because she had a new boyfriend and Dan was sick of hearing them through the walls. It was his own mother but yet his grandmother always thought it was him with all of the mean, mostly because most of the men were in their early to late twenties, not even much older than himself. 

He needed a breather, a relaxing and calm serenity. The words from the boys in the bathroom were stuck in a loop in his mind. Their talking didn’t stop but rather continued until they got on the topic of who could make Dan scream first. They even spoke about getting him high beforehand so ‘it didn’t count’. It made him want to vomit. He looked so pale coming out of the bathroom that Mr. Freed didn’t even bother him. He just texted his mom asking for her to call the school so he could go home and then he came home, only to be bombarded by his mother and Josh. 

The song “Avalanche” came across on shuffle and Dan listened to the lyrics, shutting his eyes.

_ It's like an avalanche _

_ I feel myself go under _

_ 'Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck _

_ I never stood a chance _

Dan thought that he never related to lyrics more in his life. He often wondered if he would go unnoticed if he slipped into the grip of this icy water. If his mother would yell for him and try to save him or if he would be stick helplessly drifting downstream. 

A twig came rushing by in the water and snagged his foot, causing him to jump and yank his toes from the water. He sat up and opened his eyes, the sunlight flooding into his vision. He blinked a few times before turning his music off and standing up, his wet feet leaving marks on the grey rock. He stumbled off to the grass where his shoes were waiting for him. 

He slipped on his sandals and headed towards the house. Josh’s truck was gone from the driveway and he could see his mother and grandmother arguing in the kitchen through the big picture windows. He almost didn’t want to go back inside. 

His phone vibrated in his hand and the name ‘Ryan’ read over his screen. 

**Pick you up in fifteen?**

Dan looked around and back at the scene unfolding in the middle of his grandmother's living room and replied quickly. 

**Okay**

He sat and waited unnoticed on the porch of the house until he got a text saying Ryan was there and the sound of an old truck engine sounded idle in the background. 

* * *

 

This was the fourth time in the past three weeks that Dan has been in the same position in Ryan’s truck. Parked in a random person’s driveway as Dan laid on his back and Ryan hovered over him, fucking into him. 

Dan didn’t even have any good words for it anymore. It wasn’t intimate. It wasn’t emotional. It was just fucking and that’s all it was going to be. Ryan wanted someone to get off with and Dan took up his offer. 

To be fair, the sex isn’t even that good. Ryan isn’t that big and he doesn’t totally satisfy Dan’s needs but Dan will orgasm and Ryan will too. They started this unspoken agreement when Dan broke up with his ex and Ryan swooped in, giving Dan at the time what he thought he wanted. But it never went anywhere. It just turned into quick pick ups with quick sex and then Dan will return home and have to act like he didn’t just do that around his mom. 

Dan could feel the quiet gasps of air leaving his open lips as Ryan pounded into him. Occasional whimpers would fall out with the gasps but he wouldn’t let them get very loud. They didn’t even get undressed for this. Dan just shimmied his pants and boxers off and Ryan just pulled himself out of his jeans. 

Ryan finished a few moments later, his breath hot over Dan’s neck and Dan could feel Ryan’s sweat soaking through his shirt. It made him cringe. He didn’t finish this time. He wasn’t even hard. 

He felt dirty. He knew he didn’t have any reason to but as Ryan pulled out and threw his used condom onto the floor of his truck, Dan felt like he wanted to hide inside his own body. 

“You still don’t tell anyone about this, right?” Ryan asked him out of breath. 

Dan nodded. 

“Good.” Ryan smirked, tucking himself back into his dirty, mud-caked jeans, as Dan slid his own clothing on, shaking them off in front of him first. “I’ve heard some people talking about you and I want to make sure that you’re still keeping this a secret.” 

Dan nodded again. “Yeah, I am.” 

Ryan’s smirk turned into a smile. He opened up the glove box in front of Dan’s legs, hitting his knees with the hard plastic compartment. He reached in and pulled out a box of cheap cigarettes and a lighter. He unrolled his window with the crank and Dan watched as he lit one of the cigarettes in between his lips. 

“Can I have one?” 

Ryan handed Dan a cigarette and Dan took it between his lips before he grabbed Ryan’s lighter and lit the end, letting the smoke course into his body and burn. Cigarettes were an occasional thing for him. His first trial with a cigarette was when he stole one from his mom a year ago, thinking it was going to make him feel better. 

He found weed was a much better alternative for that. 

It was always awkward after the sex. Dan didn’t know what to say. Was he supposed to thank Ryan? Or was Ryan supposed to thank him for being readily available with his legs spread? He didn’t know. He’d never know. 

It was dark out now...well, not completely. The sun was beginning to set. But it looked dark out from outside of the tinted windows of the truck. He finished off the cigarette was a taste of smoke on his lips hand through the butt out the window of the moving truck. 

Old dirt roads were all that was in front of them as Dan watched out the windshield. Nothing but forest and old roads that were bumpy and untouched. Roads that just kept leading to nowhere. 

When they arrived back to Dan’s house, Ryan dropped him off without a word and then immediately peeled his tires and sped away. Dan walked inside, feeling the walk of shame written all over his forehead and the smell of smoke heavy on his clothing. 

His mother was sat on the plaid couch and there was no sight of his grandmother. 

“Where did you go?” 

Dan turned his head to her, hoping to be able to run past her and immediately go to his room. 

“I was with a friend.” 

“You didn’t think to tell me that you were going anywhere?” His mom pressed, her hands wrapped around a mug and her body hugged in a white robe. 

“I wasn’t gone for that long.” Dan shrugged. “I didn’t think it was a big deal.” 

“I looked outside and you were gone, Dan! You know how many horrible thoughts ran through my head?” Her voice was choked but Dan knew it was a facade. She didn’t really care. 

“I was fine.” 

“You reek of cigarettes!” 

“And you don’t?” Dan retorted before rushing through the kitchen to his room and slamming the door behind him. He heard his full name of  _ Daniel James  _ bellowed behind him but he didn’t stop to obey to it. 

Dan fell across his bed and looked up at the bumpy ceiling overtop of him. This was a normal day for him. This is what he went through all the time. This is why he couldn’t wait to be gone from here. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a sidenote. There is an acronym mentioned in here that is BOCES and I just wanted to explain it. So basically, NYS funds a vocational school called BOCES where they train high school students, and some adults, in vocational and technical jobs such as culinary, electrician, cosmetology, auto-repair services, diesel engine repairs, forestry, and so on…so when that’s mentioned, that’s what that means! 
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of weed, cigarettes, and other tobacco products

The drive to school the next morning was both peaceful but dreadful at the same time. Dan didn’t want to go and face the same student body that hated him so much and he definitely didn’t want to have to go to class with Mr. Freed today.

He arrived at the school early, something he rarely did. And he just sat in his car until all of the other seniors walked in too. One by one, all of the trucks pulled in and backed up so they were in the back row, black smoke and the smell of rubber clouding the air.

One by one, all of his fellow classmates snaked their way out of their trucks and their mud-caked work boots hit the pavement. Each of them spit, almost as if it was in sync with the person on the other side of their trucks and then they all adjusted their camouflage sweatshirts and jackets and stomped towards the entrance.

Dan definitely did not belong here. Not with his black skinny jeans, plaid shirts, and Vans. He didn’t belong in a mix of farmers, hunters, and people who wore camo just because they could.

Getting out of his car, he grabbed his messenger bag from the backseat and headed inside. He knew everyone stared at him when he walked in but he’s learned to ignore the burns that they leave on his back.

Just nine more months. He keeps telling himself. He only has to hold on until May and then he can walk away from here and never come back.

He ignored everyone once he got into school and headed towards his locker. He just continued walking until he got there, not stopping or hesitating for anything. Cierra, the girl who had the locker next to his, was already there. She was stuffing binders into her bag and talking with herself as she tried to cram them to the point of her bag nearly ripping from the seams.

She turned to him and smiled. “Good Morning, Dan!”

Dan just faked a smile at her. “Is it a good morning?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s always a good morning. Do you have your common application done yet?”

Dan shook his head. “I’m not applying for college.”

Cierra stood up and hoisted her bag onto her shoulders, heaving at the weight. “Why not?”

Dan shrugged. “I just don’t want to go.”

“Have you told Mrs. Greene that?” She asked.

Mrs. Greene was the school guidance counselor and she was supposed to be helping all of the seniors prepare their applications for college. Dan may have lied to her to shut her up by saying he was looking into applying to the University two hours away but he really wasn’t. He just wanted her to stop hounding him about his future.

“She knows.”

The first bell rang and the students came bustling through the doors from the school buses. That was cue the Dan needed to start heading for chorus, something he actually enjoyed. He said a quick goodbye to Cierra and headed off.

* * *

Lunch came and he sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria, eating a small salad that the school had offered him. He didn’t normally eat anything else the school provided but the salads were okay.

He kept his earbuds in the entire time and pretended that he didn’t hear the lunch monitor calling his name for him to remove one of the earbuds so he could hear her. She eventually gave up when she knew he wasn’t going to answer.

After lunch was activity period so he went to the library today instead of just spending the time walking aimlessly in the hallway. He took a seat at a computer in the corner and turned it on, having it lag and stutter before allowing him to log in. He was just about to put in his login information when the librarian came over to him, a group of young children, probably fifth graders, trailing behind her.

“That computer is meant to be reserved for these students.”

Dan sighed. He didn’t just spend ten minutes turning on a computer just to not even be able to use it. “There wasn’t a sign on it.”

The librarian tensed. “Well, the computer is needed for this class so I’m afraid you’ll have to get up and sit elsewhere. You can always borrow one of the Macbooks if you need to work on something.”

Dan tensed. He was not going to use the old 2010 Macbooks that ran worse than these computers. He wasn’t going to waste him time. He didn’t even technically need a computer anyway but he was ready to fight for it regardless.

But he didn’t. He stood up, kicked the chair back, and moved.

He walked into the center of the library and took a seat at a round table where other students were also sitting. Almost immediately, the kids sitting in front of him began to stare and he blushed, feeling his face flush from the unwanted attention. He bent down into his bag and dug out his earbuds and the book Ready Player One and tried not to pay any attention to them all.

That would be the last time he would spend the activity period in the library for a while.

* * *

When the end of the day came, Dan was so happy to finally be able to leave. The bell of freedom rung loudly throughout the halls and Dan left without a backwards glance. He got nearly to his car, pressing the button to unlock it when he noticed a certain baseball cap wearing guy leaning against his car.

It was his cousin Jason.

“Hey, Dan. Can you give me a ride to the store?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “No.”

“Come on. I only need to go to Tops.”

“That’s in Broomeville. I’m not going that far to take you to the store.”

“I’ll pay you gas money!” Jason pressed, tugging on the door handle to Dan’s car.

“Stop that!” Dan quipped towards Jason’s obnoxious actions. “What are you going to even pay me in? Chewing tobacco and cow shit?”

Jason rolled his eyes. “I have money. That’s why I need you take me to the store while my truck is in the shop.”

“Is this going to be an everyday occurance?” Dan asked in defeat as he unlocked his car and Jason opened the passenger side.

“Just until I get my truck back.”

“I’m not running you to Broomeville everyday.” Dan said, turning his car on and pulling out of the parking spot.

“You only need to do that today so I can pick up some more chew.” Jason said, lifting off from his seat to take out the circular can from his back pocket.

“You’re not spitting that disgusting stuff in my car. Reach in the back and get a bottle or something.” Dan said as he focused on the road and on his cousin next to him.

“So you’ll have sex and smoke weed in here but I can’t spit in here?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Sit there and be quiet for the rest of the ride or else I’m kicking you off on Route 12.”

Jason mimicked Dan’s voice and Dan found himself laughing. He and Jason were complete opposites and most of the time, they didn’t get along. But when they did, Jason was actually a cool person to be around…once you got past the constant smell of farm and tobacco that lingered on him.

But in the end, Dan’s known Jason since they were children and although their paths separated for a while, he’ll never forget being able to spend the days at the river at their grandmothers house. Only now Jason lives in the next town over while Dan still spends his days at the river.

“Ryan was bragging about you in BOCES today.” Jason said, spitting black into an empty coke bottle.

Dan rolled his eyes. “What was he saying?”

Jason shrugged it off. “He just brought you up a few times.”

Dan felt his knuckles go white against the steering wheel. He hated this so much. He hated when guys turned him into an object, a piece of meat for their sexual desires. “If you say Ryan was talking about me, I expect you to answer with more than just a oh nevermind.”

“Well, it’s just awkward to discuss this with you.” Jason retorted. “He just mentioned that you’re an easy lay and how you always do what he says and it got some of the other people riled up too.”

Dan sighed. They were almost to the plaza where Tops was. All he had to do was turn in next to this Burger King and then he would drop of Jason, go to the chinese food place and grab food for himself, and forget that Ryan was even mentioned.

He took a spot in between the Tops and the chinese place and let Jason get out first. He walked to the back of his car to pull out his wallet from his bag when Jason spoke up to him. “You coming in to Tops?”

“I was gonna go grab some chinese food actually.” Dan said, shoving his torn leather wallet into his back pocket.

“Come into Tops with me first and we can get chinese food after.”

“Why?”

“Because come on!”

Dan sighed and locked his car with a beep as he headed behind Jason into Tops, not even sure why he was going in here to begin with when he didn’t need to. They walked through the automatic doors and the strong fluorescent lights hurt Dan’s eyes.

They made their way over to the tobacco counter and Dan waited as Jason bought whatever he needed to. He still didn’t understand why he came in. He kept his eyes focused on the ground in front of him, not really even staring at anything in particular. Then a pair of white vans traveled in front of him and he felt his head move up to follow the feet.

A tall, dark hair male was walking in front of him, a box of ketchup in his arms as he headed towards the condiment aisle. Dan couldn’t help but stare at him. His fair skin and raven hair made for a striking appearance.

“Dan…?”

Jason snapped him out his trance and turned his head with an embarrassed flush in his cheeks. “Hm?”

“Why were you just staring at Phil like that?”

“Who?”

“Phil.” Jason said pointing towards the tall male that Dan had just been staring at. “He goes to BOCES. He’s not in my program but I see him enough to know his name.”

“He goes to BOCES?” Dan asked. He didn’t seem like the type to go to BOCES.

“Yeah, he does the graphic design program.” Dan just hummed at that and let his attention swing back to Phil in front of him in the aisle. “Whenever you’re done staring, I would like to go and get food.”

Dan dropped his gaze from Phil and turned to Jason with a blush. “I’m ready to go.”

“I can get you Phil’s number tomorrow.” Jason offered as they walked out the automatic doors.

Dan shook his head and chuckled. “I’m good.”

“You were just ogling him.” Jason retorted as he hung a sharp left and Dan followed him on the walkway to the chinese restaurant. “It’s really not a bother. I’ll just name drop you to Phil and see if he’s interested.”

Dan sighed. “I’m sure he’s heard my name enough to already have an opinion about me anyway. Seems like everyone always has it rolling off from their tongue.”

As Dan pushed open the door to the chinese place, the windchime on the door rang out and he was greeted by a smiling young girl behind the counter. He walked up to her and placed his order quickly and then moved out of the way so Jason could order. Once they were done and told the girl they were getting it to go, they sat down at a table in the dining room to wait.

“Phil probably does know who you are.” Jason said, grabbing a toothpick from the dispenser on the end of the table and biting it. “He’s been around Ryan when Ryan talks about you so I’m sure he knows you. But Phil is different. I don’t think he’d form an opinion about you.”

Dan shrugged. “Everyone always has an opinion.”

“You don’t know that.” Jason said. “I’ve been your cousin since birth and I have no opinions formed about you other than you’re the obviously homosexual cousin.”

Dan rolled his eyes and scoffed and Jason laughed.

They kept up their normal conversations until the girl came out with their bags of food.

Once they left, Dan dropped off Jason on the way home and then headed back to his house. When he parked in his own driveway, he noticed Josh’s truck sitting there next to his mothers SUV and he groaned inwardly to himself.

He grabbed his stuff from the back of his car and headed inside, expecting to see his mother and Josh wrapped up in each other but instead he saw his mother sitting all alone at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of coffee and a cigarette burning still half-lit in the ashtray in front of her.

“Where did you go after school?” She asked, her voice curt.

“I was with Jason. He asked me to take him to Tops and then we got food.” Dan said, holding up the bag of Chinese food.

“And you didn’t think of calling me first?” She asked. “Or even texting me to tell me that’s what you were doing?”

Dan shook his head. “It wasn’t like I was gone for long.” He pulled out his cell phone and looked at the time. “I was only gone a half an hour longer than normal.”

“That’s not the point, Dan!” Her voice rose in volume. “I hear what people think of you, Dan and I think we need to sit down and talk for once.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “They’re just rumors!” He said. “They don’t mean anything.”

“Dan,” His mother’s voice softened for a moment, “If you’re really out there sleeping with people, we need to get you checked. We need you to be safe. Are you using protection?”

Dan did not want to talk about this right now. So he wasn’t going to. He just rolled his eyes and stormed past her to his room.

This time, she didn’t call after him.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan was stopped in the middle of the school hallway by his guidance counselor as soon as he walked through the next morning. He didn't know what she wanted but he allowed for himself to be stopped by her as other students passed. She had a flyer in clasped in her right hand and he saw her getting ready to hand it to him.

"So." She began. He could already see the hope rushing into her eyes that he was going to listen to whatever she would say. "The school is starting a new mentoring program to help younger students get in touch with themselves. We noticed that you tend to fall into the quiet category so we're wondering if you would be able to be apart of the program in which you also speak with those who tend to shy away from other students."

Dan wanted to roll his eyes. How in the hell would this work in any way? He wasn't a mentor to anyone. He's broken nearly every warning his health class has given him since the seventh grade considering he lost his virginity at the age of fourteen and still remains to be a sexually active teen despite him not being in a relationship.

He was definitely  _ not  _ a role model to any student and he wasn't about to be.

"What would be in it for me?" Dan asked. "You yourself just said I'm quiet so I don't see how that'll help me approach a quiet student any."

Mrs. Greene sighed and shoved the flyer in his direction. "Here is the flyer for our upcoming meeting next week. I really think you should join us, Daniel."

Dan just took the flyer and didn't say anything else to her. He was ready to walk away when she spoke again. "Have you heard from SUNY Oswego yet?" She asked, her voice cheerful. "I know you said you were looking into applying so I was wondering if you've gotten into contact with them yet."

Dan shook his head. "I've been busy and haven't really thought of it. But I'll let you know once I do."

She gave a curt nod and plastered a fake smile on her lips. "Well, okay then. Have a good first period, Dan."

Dan just nodded in her direction and walked away, heading off to first period where he was now extremely late to. His first period today was just a study hall since Chorus is every other day. So walking in late wasn't embarrassing or even really a bad thing. He went to take a seat at a vacant desk when he heard whispering behind his back, making the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

" _ Howell is late. Bet he was on his knees in the bathroom." _

" _ Don't see him as an on the knees person. Probably on his back in the showers."  _

_ "Don't tell me that, shithead. Now I'm going to never want to shower after practice in the bathrooms."  _

Dan tried to ignore it. He really did. But there were only so many words and phrases that could be spilled his way before he finally caved and wanted to just knock someone out. He wasn't going to do  _ that  _ specifically today, but he was going to speak up for himself. 

"Does my name really have to come out of your mouth?" Dan asked, slamming his bag onto the desk. "What have I ever done for you to talk about me as soon as I walk into the room? I'm not an idiot. I can  _ hear  _ you." 

The two guys, both of which Dan didn't recognize, both stared off and didn't even look at him. He was ready to say something again when the study hall monitor broke it up. "Daniel, why don't you head to the senior lounge today instead of staying in here?" 

Dan wanted to scream. There was nothing more that he wanted than to go to the senior lounge with a bunch of people he didn't get along with only to have them all stare at him and for more whispering to happen. 

"No thank you." Dan said, taking a seat. "I'm going to just stay here today." 

He could feel the stares of everyone in the room burning into the back of his neck and he hated it. He hated every bit of this so much. He seriously doesn't get it. Why he's the focal point of every whisper and piece of gossip to circulate this town. 

But that is how this town is. Everyone knows you. They know your backstory. They know your reputation. And for Dan, all of those things did not equate for any easy standing in this hick town. 

* * *

 

Jason wasn't there at Dan's car when he walked out after school so he left without him. He just wanted to go home and lay by the river and forget about today. It wasn't like the day had gone by any smoother after his first period encounter. In fact, it went worse. 

By lunch, Dan's name was coming out from everyone's mouths about what he said during study hall because apparently people were making fun of him from standing up for himself. It didn't bother him entirely that that was happening, he was used to it, but he just wished that his name didn't ride on the filthy tongues of the same people who chew tobacco and do whatever the hell else with them. 

At the end of the day, in the final period which was his government class, the class was nearly over when his teacher decided to use him as an example for the entire class to laugh at. By that time, Dan was just sick of that day and wanted nothing more than to leave and never come back to that shithole. 

The drive home could have been worse but luckily, the backroads were fine despite a bit of rain hitting that afternoon and he didn't encounter any spare animals wandering in the roads. When he got home, he noticed his mom's SUV was gone and his grandmother's car was the only one there. 

That made him feel a little bit better. His grandmother was old fashioned in her ways but she was more of a mom to him than his own mother so he came to love her just a little more at times, especially when they were alone.

He walked inside and was greeted by the scent of a fresh pie as if infiltrated his nostrils. He took in a deep breath and smiled. "Did you make a pie?" he called.

His grandmother was perched up on a barstool at their breakfast bar, scrolling through something on her tablet that she was not able to use very efficiently so Dan often helped her out with it. "Oh, Dan! You're home already! I was hoping that the pie would be cooled off by the time you got home so we could cut into it!"

Dan smiled at her. He loved when she was like this. It didn't happen often because normally his mother and her were at each others necks but it was nice to have this sense of calm and peace for once.

"That's fine. I'll just be even more excited to eat it later." He said, moving around the bar to stand across from her. "Where did mom go?"

His grandmother sighed. "I don't know anymore. I think with that Josh but I have no idea. I was at the store when she left because when I returned, she wasn't here."

Dan nodded, a small pang of sadness beamed in his chest.

He decided to change the subject. "What are we having for dinner?"

His grandmother smiled. "I thought we could cheat and order pizza from Marianoes. How does that sound?"

Dan smiled, a genuine real smile, "I'd love that, grandma." Just as soon as he spoke, his phone buzzed in his pocket and he stepped away from the bar to take out his cell phone and see who it was.

**UNKNOWN:** Hey. I hope you don't mind but Jason gave me your number.

**UNKNOWN:** Oh! This is Phil btw. Phil Lester. I go to BOCES with Jason and he said that you saw me in Tops yesterday and wanted to talk to me. I hope this doesn't sound creepy on either part.

Dan reread over the texts multiple times before he felt anger course through his veins.  _ Why the fuck did Jason give Phil his number? He wasn't even sure if he was interested in him! _

"You look like you've seen a ghost." He looked up from his phone and saw his grandma looking at him with a concerned expression on her face. 

He shook his head. "It was nothing. Just something stupid message Jason sent me. You know how he is." 

His grandmother laughed and nodded. "Oh Jason! Yes I do. Tell him to stop around here more! I don't see him often." 

"Probably for the best." Dan said with a smirk. "I see him nearly every day." 

His grandma swatted her hand at him and then shushed him away, leaving Dan to laugh. "How does ordering pizza at five sound? You can go and pick it up." 

Dan nodded. "Fine with me. Tell me when you call it in. I'm gonna go in my room for a little bit. I've had a long day at school." 

"Something bothering you?" She asked, her voice once again concerned. 

Dan shrugged. "It's school. When doesn't school bother someone, right?" 

She nodded, but it was a sad nod of sympathy. "You're not getting bullied right?" 

Dan felt the pang of sadness swell more in his chest. Because yes, he was getting bullied. But he wouldn't tell that to her and make her worry any more than what she does. "No, grandma. I'm fine. Just stressed. You know, senior year, so I have to go out with a bang."

She nodded again. "Well, don't get too burnt out, okay?"

He smiled a small smirk at her before saying goodbye and heading out of the kitchen into his room. Once inside, he laid on his bed, staring up at his ceiling once again. He couldn't get Phil's texts out of his head. Phil had actually texted him and he doesn't know how he should feel about that. Jason shouldn't have done that. All Dan needed was for someone else to judge him more.

Phil must know his reputation.  _ He must just be messaging him out of pity. _

**Dan:** Hey. Sorry about Jason. He noticed that I saw you in Tops and he immediately played wingman. 

He set down his phone and continued to lay motionless on his bed, just staring up at the white popcorn beads looking down at him. Then his phone buzzed and he instinctively grabbed it. But the name on the screen wasn't Phil's that he had just put into his contacts. It was Ryan's. 

**Ryan:** Are you free now? I can come over to your place and meet you. 

Dan sat back. Did he feel like having sex right now? Was it something he  _ needed.  _ It would be a great stress relief for him. And sex with Ryan wasn't  _ horrible.  _ He's had worse. Having sex might help him feel a little bit better. 

**Dan:** My grandma is home tho. 

**Ryan:** We can just stay in my truck? Will she see us if we remain in the driveway? I really don't want to drive anywhere. I kind of need this like right now. 

Dan bit his lip. Remaining here was risky business, especially since the house wasn't exactly big enough for them to just have sex in and not be heard. And if they remained in the car, that might risk for his grandmother coming outside to her garden and seeing them. Never in his life had he had to think about sex this complexly.

**Ryan:** Please don't leave me hanging, Dan. I need you right now.

**Dan:** Come over but we're gonna have to be extremely quiet. text me when you get here.

**Ryan:** I'm already here...I was hoping you'd say yes already

Dan rolled his eyes and stood up from his bed, moving around random shit in his room so they Ryan could come in here. They were gonna have to be extremely quiet about it. Dan exited his room, seeing his grandma still sitting at the counter on her tablet.

"My friend Ryan is here to work on a project. He won't be here long."

His grandmother looked up. "Will he be staying for dinner?"

Dan shook his head. "He'll be gone by then."

She nodded and said a quiet alright as he brushed past her and walked outside to see Ryan's truck. He walked over to it, Ryan still sitting in his truck. As soon as he walked over, Ryan rolled down his window. "Come in. We're gonna have to be quiet though."

Ryan nodded and opened the door, causing Dan to step back and let him out. Immediately, Ryan's hands were roaming down Dan's sides, causing Dan to stiffen. This touch from Ryan wasn't normal. This was intimate almost. "Hey, what are you doing?" Dan asked, his voice slightly slurred from the good feeling of hands roaming so carefully down his sides.

"I need you so badly." Ryan said, leaning in and wrapping his arms around him, pulling him close. "I would fuck you right here if I could." Ryan's hands began to roam down his back now, dipping under the waistband of his pants and under his underwear.

"Ryan, seriously." Dan said, "What's gotten into you?"

Ryan shook his head. "Nothing. Let's just go inside."

Dan nodded slowly and pushed Ryan off from him gently before letting him follow him into the house. His grandma was still sitting where she was before she he quickly introduced them before taking him immediately to his room. He had just shut the door when Ryan forced him over to his bed, hardly giving him any time before he was undoing Dan's jeans and yanking them down. It'd been  _ months  _ since Dan has done anything in his room. It felt so foreign.

Before long, Ryan was fucking hard into him, leaving him to bite the sleeve of his shirt (that he didn't have time to remove) to keep his noises down. Ryan was just not letting up. He  _ wanted  _ him.

He'd never felt someone be so... _ deep  _ into this before. Ryan had never acted like that before. He came so fast, it was almost like whiplash. It was so euphoric and blissful and he was nearly sure he almost passed out. He was still coming down from his high when Ryan pushed into him one last time and came deep inside of him, his release getting trapped in the condom.

He was barely able to keep his eyes open when Ryan bent down and kissed him, their lips connecting in a wet, sloppy kiss. Dan reciprocated it, not even realizing what was happening until he heard Ryan moan into the kiss and it pulled him into a clear headspace. He'd never kissed Ryan before. Never. This was all new. Dan pulled away.

"What was that for?" Dan asked.

"I...I'm really beginning to like you, Dan. You're doing something to me. Your body and your looks. Something about you, Dan. I can't get you out of my head."

Dan smirked. "That's new."

Ryan pulled out and sat beside Dan, pulling on his clothing and getting dressed. "I think I'm beginning to see something in this, Dan." Ryan said, his body suddenly moving to face Dan as Dan stood up and slipped on a pair of sweatpants that were laying on the ground.

"What do you mean?"

Ryan reached up, his calloused hand laying on Dan's jaw as he held his head in place. "Maybe this shouldn't just be an occasional thing?"

Dan shook his head. "No, Ryan...look." He began, already seeing the expression on Ryan's face fall. "You're a great guy and you're amazing at sex but I don't think we'd work together as a couple. I think you only like me for my body and you're getting it confused in your head."

Ryan shook his head. "No. Dan. I'm not. The sex is honestly a bonus."

Dan sighed, reaching up and removing Ryan's hand from his face. "Ryan, I'm serious. I'm not interested in a relationship. I don't mind this arrangement. I like having sex and I like having sex with you. We can continue this but I don't have feelings for you."

Ryan sighed. "Not even deep down?"

Dan shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think so."

"But you'd still continue this arrangement with me?"

Dan nodded. "I really don't mind this."

Ryan nodded and a small smile formed on his lips. "Do you think one day you might be interested?"

Dan shrugged. "I don't know. I'm really in a rush to be in a relationship exclusively with anyone."

"Can..." Ryan stopped. "Before I leave, can I kiss you again?"

Dan stiffened for a moment. Letting Ryan kiss him was like breaking over a boundary that they had before. But something in him made him nod his head and Ryan leaned in, planting his lips perfectly in line with his own. Dan allowed for the kiss to continue for a few moments before he pulled away, leaving Ryan with a satisfied look on his face.

"Do you think we have time to go again?" Ryan asked, biting his lip.

Dan turned and looked at the clock on his desk. It read that it was only a little after four. He turned back to Ryan and nodded slowly. Ryan jumped over onto him and began pushing his hand down Dan's pants, allowing Dan to feel bliss once again.

* * *

 

Ryan left not long after the second time. Dan didn't come that time but Ryan did and Ryan was satisfied so Dan felt satisfied. As he cleaned up before his grandma called to him to leave to pick up the pizza, he looked at his phone and noticed a few unread messages on his screen.

**Phil:** Jason has told me some about you. Hope you don't mind.

**Phil:** You sound like a super chill person. I work at Tops every day after school if you ever want to stop by and talk.

**Phil:** I hope none of this sounds creepy. Jason just made you sound like a really cool person who I could easily see myself having a friendship with.

**Dan:** Sorry for the delay. I was busy. But cool! I'm glad you actually seem to like me. Most people don't.

**Phil:** I'm sure that's not true.

**Dan:** You've probably heard the rumors about me.

**Phil:** Not saying otherwise but you still seem cool. Do you like video games?

Dan found himself smiling at the phone screen as he got into his car, started the engine, and drove off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter! but I wanted to produce an update! Expect chapters to be about bi-weekly now. It'll be at a more relaxed schedule but hopefully I'll still be regular in producing new chapters! Thanks for being patient and sticking around! :) 
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of a potential forced coming out--but it doesn’t happen!

Dirt paths led to lines of trees on both sides of him. The sun was out now, allowing for him to leave his windows down as the lyrics of Pierce the Veil's songs flew out through the open glass into the air.

It was truly a beautiful day.

The drive to Marioneos wasn't very long but on days like today, Dan wished it was a tiny bit longer so he could just sit in his car and breathe in the fresh air as he drove carelessly around. But he knew his grandma would get worried if he didn't come right home from grabbing the pizza so he pushed that thought from his mind.

He eventually made it to Marianoes, parking his car in front of the entrance and leaving it running so he could run inside quickly and grab their order. He was so confident that he would be quick that he even left his phone plugged into the aux as he rushed inside.

The bell on the door rang as he pushed it open and was greeted by the familiar faces of John and his wife Tammy, the ones who owned this pizza place that everyone in town adored.

"Hello, Dan!" Tammy spoke as he walked up to the counter with his wallet in hand and a smile. He tried to ignore the pain in his lower back from him and Ryan's earlier activities and he hoped it didn't show when he walked. "How are you on this beautiful day?"

Dan shrugged. "Could be better." he answered truthfully. "What about you guys?"

Tammy smiled. "Business isn't as booming today but hey, can't win every day."

Dan smiled at her and nodded. She turned around to grab the pizza and wings off from the ready rack when the sound of the bell behind Dan made him turn around out of curiosity.

And a certain black haired, tall, man walked in that made Dan immediately panic.

It was Phil. He was wearing the classic Tops red polo with black slacks and he looked like he was either going into work or just getting done. He walked right up to the counter beside Dan and stood there, not looking like he was going to speak.

That made Dan panic more.  _ Did Phil not recognize who he was?  _ It was awkward. Dan didn't know if he should say anything.

Tammy turned back around just in time to slide his pizza and wings to him on the counter and tell him the total of $30 for everything. He quickly slid her his credit card and waited for her to process it, side eyeing Phil the entire time. He still seemed oblivious.

"Here you go, Dan!" Tammy said, passing him back his card with the receipt he had to sign. Dan quickly signed the receipt and was preparing to leave without another word when Phil suddenly turned and smiled at him.

"Oh! You're Dan! Oh my God, I'm so sorry I didn't say anything!" Dan turned and forced a smile on his lips.

"Hi."

Dan wanted to face palm. All he could really come up with was 'hi'? God, this was going awful already. Time to just move on and abort all missions of speaking with Phil and befriending him. He's made it too awkward.

"It's so nice to properly speak to you!" Phil continued. "Jason kind of described to me what you looked like but I didn't want to be weird if it wasn't you."

Dan just laughed...an awkward painful laugh.

"Same with you."

"Oh, gosh. I've made it awkward now, haven't I?" Phil asked, his face flushing red in a blush.

Dan shook his head, waving it off. "No...I kind of did too by not saying anything. It's fine...I'll text you later. I have...my grandma is hungry."

He quickly rushed out with the food and jumped into his car, running his hands through his fringe. That could not have gone any worse for their first encounter. Never in a million years could that have gone any worse.

Dan shook it off and out of his head, shifting his car into reverse and driving away, the food moving in the backseat.

*****

“So Ryan,” his grandmother began as she laid a slice of pizza on her plate, “is one of your friends?” 

Dan looked up just as he took a bite of his pizza. He shrugged. “Kind of?” 

“I’ve never seen him around here before. Do you boys hang out a lot?” She pressed. 

Dan wanted to lie. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t going to tell his own grandmother that he was sexually active with Ryan but he wasn’t gonna lie and say he doesn’t know him that well either. 

“Sometimes.” Dan said, picking at the toppings on his pizza slice. “We mostly just drive around and hang out with each other in his truck.” 

“Oh? Why don’t you invite him around more?” His grandma questioned as she took a knife and fork to her pizza, cutting off little bite sized pieces instead of lifting it and taking a bite. “From what I saw of him, he seems like a nice boy.” 

Dan wanted to scoff. But he didn’t. He just smiled at her. “He’s alright.” 

His grandma smirked. “Is...is he more than just a friend, Dan?” 

Dan lifted his head up and stared his grandmother directly into her eyes. He was only out to the people he had slept with and Jason. No one else. So the thought of telling his grandmother he was gay was...terrifying. He wasn’t even sure if telling her at this moment was even the right time. 

“No.” Dan answered truthfully. “He’s only a friend.” 

“You know I wouldn’t care if he was more than a friend, right Dan?” She pressed, moving her hand to lay on top of his that was laying tense against the table. 

“I know.” Dan did  _ know  _ deep down in his heart. But he wasn’t ready to say it yet. “But he’s not.” 

They ate their dinner in silence and when they were done, they went into the living room where his grandma put on a movie and they sat and just relaxed on the couch. It was a type of bonding moment that Dan never really knew he needed until he had it. 

When he went into his room for the night, he found himself on his phone, mindlessly scrolling through his social media pages. He had reached the end of the new posts on his facebook feed when a tiny little notification bubble popped up over the ‘friend request’ button on the bottom. He clicked it, and tried to ignore the fact that his heart flipped upside down--in a good way--at reading “1 new friend request from Phil Lester”. 

**Dan:** Already adding me as a friend on Facebook?

**Phil:** Wellll, your name popped up as a suggestion so I figured it must be fate :P 

**Dan:** Hm...don’t know about that. 

**Phil:** Are you always so negative? 

Dan felt his lips curl into a frown and his stomach drop. This was what he was afraid of. 

**Phil:** I did  _ not  _ mean it like that! I promise! It was supposed to be more a sarcastic thing but I forget that my sarcasm doesn’t translate well over text…

**Dan:** I mean...I’m used to people thinking weirdly of me. 

**Phil:** For what it’s worth, I can already tell you’re a really great person. 

**Dan:** You don’t know that. 

**Phil:** I just might! 

**Phil:** Are you doing anything this weekend? 

Dan’s heart fluttered. Was Phil gonna ask him on a date? What was happening? Were they rushing things? What even constituted as rushing things? He’s never been in a relationship before. He has no idea how any of this stuff even works. 

**Dan:** I don’t think so. 

**Phil:** Awesome! 

**Phil:** The drive in’s are playing one last set of movies before fall begins. The movies were two I was interesting in so do you wanna go with me? 

Dan, fully laying on his back on his bed, just stared straight up at the ceiling. This was  _ totally  _ a date and he didn’t know what to think. He’s never been asked out on a date before. 

**Dan:** That would be cool. 

_ Cool? What was he? A middle-school kid getting their first supervised date?  _

**Phil:** Great! We can text more about the details later! I’m exhausted so you’ll have to excuse me for going to bed this early. 

Dan looked up at the top of his phone and saw the time read just a little after 9. Wow, that was early to be falling asleep. 

**Dan:** That’s fine. Have a good night! 

**Phil:** You too! Zzzz

Dan chuckled. He could already that Phil was different. Jason was right about Phil already and he had only just begun to speak with him. 

That night, right after he heard the slamming of the front door followed by the hushed screams of his grandma and mother, he curled up and shut his eyes, thinking of what the drive in’s could bring for him. 

_ A date to a movie with cheap, greasy food, and just him...and Phil...all alone in a car.  _ He could definitely deal with that. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated! If you like this story, leave me a comment on my tumblr or here! My tumblr is lilacskylester!


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